white smoke

I describe in my “About” section that I see life as a kaleidoscope. The same hues do not appear in the same manner twice. We will never see the same smashing together of saturations in any given span of our life, whether it be a month or a year or even an hour. Now while I still do hold that to be true, I am also starting to realize that the same hues do not appear in the same light while looking over your shoulder. In the first week of doing this (with the minor hiatus not through an intentional making), I have become just as fascinated with a life of revisited colorful evocations as I am with a life translated into those shades.

Today seems to be a day for a life revisited in a shadow. Not a fog, for all the moments are still succinct to me, but in taking the time to reflect on what each day has become, I see more vividly than ever how each day has impacted the next. And rightfully so, today is no exception.

I have a second family of sorts here in the town I live in. In some ways, I love them more than my own family. It’s in a different way of course, but I know I could come to them with anything. I met them through someone I dated most of last year, and they sort of adopted me as their own after this person moved away. In the typical millennial sense, the two of us never quite defined what we were. But what that time taught me was to trust what I feel. I felt love, and compassion, and trust, and a real ambition for being who I want to be.

It’s in this connection I have had an inability to ever really let go of the past. But the truth of the matter I’ve come to appreciate and even adore is that the past isn’t the past. That past is drip-dropped all over our lives. To deny one’s past is to deny one’s self. And in this week of looking back on the start of this venture, I also appreciate what the past week looks like from the short distance away that I am. That’s part of the pursuit of this journal. To revel in what the past looks like from a varying length in my future. I look back on my “scarlet red” post with rose-colored glasses. I am proud of what I wrote, but I also see where I can be better, and how far I have to go. But I am not discouraged, I am excited.

I want to maintain this level of insight, and even grow to mature as an observer as these posts continue. It’s only through trying to see that our vision ever grows sharper. As writers, as humans, as beings simply existing.

Now onto the next chapter as I center myself this week before I start the new career chapter. Hopefully the technicolor spectacle continues with more brilliant pigments than before.

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